


With A GPS It's Just A Walk In The Woods

by ununoriginal



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-16
Updated: 2009-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 01:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ununoriginal/pseuds/ununoriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tegoshi and Massu get lost in the woods and meets an evil witch-man and we all know how that story goes :p</p>
            </blockquote>





	With A GPS It's Just A Walk In The Woods

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at the JE AU Comment Ficathon of Doom for the prompt 'tegomass are hansel and gretel. you can pick the witch of your choice. bonus points if they run into little red riding koyama in the woods'. Badly written crack & OOC-ness.

“Oh, no! Our trail of crumbs is gone, Massu!” Tegoshi exclaimed, looking in dismay at the empty path behind them. “The birds must have eaten them - though I never thought sparrows and all those little woodland creatures to be fond of meat... Massu?”  
  
Tegoshi trailed off at the guilty look of revelation on Massu's face. “What is it, Massu?”  
  
“I didn't realise you were making a trail, Tegoshi, I'm so sorry,” Massu says, his eyes downcast. “I just thought it was such a waste that you were throwing away bits of niku-man, so I... ate them?”  
  
He should be furious, technically, Tegoshi thought, but he could never bear to see Massu dejected, so he gave Massu a reassuring hug instead and reached up to ruffle Massu's hair. “It's alright. You must have been too hungry – it's way past dinner time,” he said with a smile. “We'll just have to believe we're on the right trail leading home.”  
  
“I'm so sorry, Tego,” Massu repeated sadly.  
  
“It's okay. As long as we're together, we won't ever really be lost, ne.” Tegoshi stepped forward confidently, tugging Massu along.  
  
They reached a fork in the road, and after some hesitation, chose the one on the right, because Massu had a gut feeling about it, and Tegoshi was all about the belief.   
  
Eventually, they came upon a clearing. A cottage with a red roof was standing, warm light pouring invitingly from its windows and the open door. Puffs of smoke were wafting from its chimney and the aroma of freshly-made gyoza became increasingly evident the closer they approached the building.  
  
“Gyoza!” Massu's footsteps had unconsciously quickened and Tegoshi hurried to catch up with him.  
  
At the doorway, they paused, remembering to knock – Pi-niichan didn't raise them to be inconsiderate brats.   
  
Within moments, a tall, inexplicably handsome man with wavy hair appeared, looking at the both of them eagerly. “Hello, it's a little late to be out, isn't it?”   
  
“Hi, I'm Tegoshi, and this is my brother, Massu. We kind of got lost in the forest, and it got too dark to find our way back,” Tegoshi explained. “Then Massu smelt something and we just followed the scent here.”  
  
“Oh! That must have been the gyoza I've been making,” the stranger replied, stepping back. “Would you like to have some? I've made quite a lot of it – it's my birthday in three days and I'm preparing for the party.”  
  
“That's such a coincidence – my birthday's in three days' time too!” Massu beamed at the other man.  
  
“Wow, then it must be fate that you came here this evening. Please come in.” The man turned and led them into the small dining room where there were plates and plates of gyoza, surrounded by... car-shaped objects that Tegoshi was pretty certain seemed to be made from shrimp.  
  
Sitting down, they chorused, “Itadakimasu!” and began to tuck in.  
  
And that was the last thing Tegoshi remembered.

  
  
  
When Tegoshi awoke, he found himself lying upon the storeroom floor with Massu nowhere to be seen. Forcing himself not to panic, he tried to open the door, but as he'd already expected, it was locked. Peering through the key hole, he managed to glimpse Massu, who still appeared to be unconscious, tied to a chair.  
  
The knowledge that Massu was still alright sent a bolt of relief through Tegoshi, galvanising him into action. Looking around the room for something to pick the lock, he came across a crumpled piece of paper, upon which was written, _'Bakanishi, all the fairies told me was that you need to make lots and lots of gyoza. Ueda-sama.”_   
  
It must have been some sort of trap to lure them here, Tegoshi realised. But why?  
  
Digging through the objects piled in the storeroom, he found a couple of hairpins with which to jimmy the door open, but he was a second too late – before he could reach Massu and free him, a strong hand clamped around his arm, and he was jerked around to face Bakanishi, their mysterious captor, who was looking none too pleased to see Tegoshi sneaking around the kitchen.  
  
“Please, we didn't do anything wrong. We're innocent, please don't harm us.” Tegoshi decided to throw caution to the winds and employ his superior pouting skills, widening his eyes as much as he could and adding a little lip wibble for good measure.  
  
“Look, kid, it's not like I have a choice here,” Bakanishi said gruffly. “It's a tough world, and your brother is an essential ingredient to making my 'Lovejuice' potion.”  
  
“'Lovejuice' potion?”  
  
“Yes, it's supposed to keep the fangirls enslaved to me so that my popularity ratings are always breaking the records. But to make it, I need to sacrifice someone who's born on the same day and month as me, which is unfortunately just too bad for him.” Bakanishi gestured carelessly at Massu.  
  
“No! I'm not going to let you hurt Massu in any way!” Tegoshi stomped as hard as he could on Bakanishi's foot and twisted his body away, wrenching free as Bakanishi's grip loosened from the sudden pain. He ran around the table, putting a distance between the two of them as he scanned the kitchen desperately for anything he could use to put a stop to Bakanishi's evil plan.  
  
As he backed up against a shelf, a look of alarm seemed to flash across Bakanishi's face, and Tegoshi glanced around to see a glass tank with a turtle that looked very well-cared-for inside it. Without stopping to think twice, Tegoshi scooped the creature out of its tank, ignoring Bakanishi's outraged threats, and darted around to the door of the storeroom, tossing the turtle, which had withdrawn into its shell, to the furthest corner.  
  
The poor animal hit the wall with a small thunk and landed upside down on the floor, spinning dismally upon its shell.  
  
“Kame!!!” Bakanishi rushed into the room with a horrified screech, Tegoshi and Massu momentarily forgotten.   
  
Swiftly, Tegoshi slammed the door shut and bolted it, shoving a chair under the handle. Quickly he untied Massu, who had been roused by all the commotion, and together they fled the cottage, Bakanishi's wrathful roar of “Usero!!!!” echoing behind them.

  
  
They spent a cold night huddled together until the morning sun made it possible for them to find the trail amongst the woods. They were back at the fork in the road where Massu caught the scent of gyoza yesterday when Tegoshi saw a tall figure in a red hoodie walking towards them, swinging a picnic basket.  
  
“Koyama!”  
  
“Good morning, Tegoshi,” Koyama greeted, with his customary friendliness. “Good morning, Massu. Why are the two of you out so early this morning?”  
  
“We aren't – we got lost last night and Massu nearly got eaten by an evil witch-man called Bakanishi,” Tegoshi explained.  
  
“Oh, that sounds horrible! Are you okay?” Koyama was immediately all over Massu, checking him for bodily injuries.  
  
“It's alright, we're both fine, but we're still lost,” Massu said, his bright smile at seeing Koyama dimming slightly.  
  
“Let me show you the way back,” Koyama offered helpfully, digging into his picnic basket for a strange-looking device.  
  
“What's that?” Tegoshi asked curiously.  
  
“Oh, I was visiting Grandpa Shige yesterday, but he got eaten by this wolf, who then tried to eat me as well, but luckily Grandpa's good friend, Ryo-jii-chan the woodcutter came along and hacked the wolf apart,” Koyama said as he tapped a few instructions into the device. “We stayed over at Grandpa's place because he was rather shaken, then I decided to go home by myself first, so Ryo-jii-chan loaned me one of his gadgets – he says it's called a GPS... Right, got it, we have to go this way.”  
  
The three of them headed down the trail, Koyama in the lead, leaving their defeated monsters behind them.


End file.
